It’s MAJOR confession time, dears.
The verse in Luke 10 that says, “You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength and with all your mind…” is terribly convicting to me.
I’ve heard so many times that whatever a person devotes their life to is what they worship. It’s their god. And as I examined my life this morning, following a really incredible church service, I realized that as much as I love Jesus, He is not the focus of my life.
Jesus is not first in my heart.
I am the first to admit that I’m a sinful wretch who deserves nothing but hell and damnation, but this confession isn’t necessarily easy. I don’t really like being vulnerable, which is probably because I’m so insecure about myself. But here’s the naked truth, dear readers: I made writing my god when I started thinking of it first thing in the morning, the last thing as I fall asleep, and at just about every free moment thought out the day. Plotting my stories, planning my characters- writing occupies more of my thoughts than anything else. I’ll always choose writing over any alternative. I’d like to think I could be better than I am one day, but in the meantime I just love creating and imagining. I also think my love for it is probably a gift from God.
But God’s gifts aren’t not supposed to take the place of Him in my heart. And that’s what has happened.
So I’m ashamed, dear readers. I’m ashamed that something that was a gift from above could make me forget so much- like the fact that I should use my passion to glorify God in some way. And the fact that nothing I could ever accomplish or create will a) last into eternity, and b) come close to meaning as much as the truth that Jesus Christ died for my sin and I owe Him my whole being.
So I’ve made a hard decision: for the month of January (at least), I’m fasting from writing. I’ll jot down whatever ideas I get, but nothing more. I’m giving up my stories. Because as much as I want to be a writer, I want to be a child of God more, and I cannot “serve two masters”. So here’s to what might be a really rough month for me.
“Oh, to grace, how great a debtor, daily ‘m constrained to be-
Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wand’ring heart to thee.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it; prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, Lord, take and seal it- seal it for thy courts above.”